


DC Rain II - Double or Nothing (1/9)

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-01
Updated: 2002-02-01
Packaged: 2018-11-20 15:27:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11338242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: The search for Alex is on, and Fox won't stop until he finds him. Turns out that'll be the *easiest* part.





	DC Rain II - Double or Nothing (1/9)

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

D.C Rain II - Double or Nothing (1/9)

## D.C Rain II - Double or Nothing (1/9)

by Aries

Title: D.C Rain II - Double or Nothing (1/9)  
Author: Aries  
Feedback to:   
Author's Website: http://denofsin.slashcity.net/aries/ariestitle.html  
Status: Complete  
Category: Unclassified  
Pairing (Primary): Mulder/Krycek  
Pairing(s) (Secondary):   
Crossover Fandom (if any):   
Crossover Info (if any):   
Other Pairing Info:   
Rating:   
Spoilers: teeny tiny ones from Tunguska and Anasazi  
Permission to Archive: RatB, Den of Sin, Slashville, I'd appreciate a quick shout from anyone else who wants it, okay?  
Series or Sequel/Prequel:   
Notes:   
Warnings:   
Disclaimer: 

Summary: The search for Alex is on, and Fox won't stop until he finds him. Turns out that'll be the *easiest* part.

D.C. Rain II - Double or Nothing  
by Aries  
Part 1 

* * *

Another night slowly closes in,  
And I feel so lonely.  
Touching heat freezing on my skin,  
I pretend you still hold me. 

I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep.  
I'm in too far, I'm in way too deep over you. I can't believe you're gone.  
You were the first, you'll be the last. 

Wherever you go, I'll be with you.  
Whatever you want, I'll give it to you. Whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon. 

Remember: after the fire, after all the rain, I will be the flame.  
I will be the flame. 

Watching shadows move across the wall,  
I feel so frightened.  
I wanna run to you, I wanna call,  
But I've been hit by lightning. 

Just can't stand up for fallin' apart.  
Can't see through this veil across my heart, over you. You'll always be the one.  
You were the first, you'll be the last. 

Wherever you go, I'll be with you.  
Whatever you want, I'll give it to you. Whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon. 

Remember: after the fire, after all the rain, I will be the flame.  
I will be the flame. 

I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep.  
I'm in too far, I'm in way too deep over you. You'll always be the one.  
You were the first, you'll be the last. 

Wherever you go, I'll be with you.  
Whatever you want, I'll give it to you. Whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon. 

Remember: after the fire, after all the rain, I will be the flame.  
I will be the flame.  
The Flame By Cheap Trick 

* * *

Middle of the day. 

The petite woman wove her way through a mass of bodies as the lunchtime crowd hurried through the halls of the Hoover Building. The hulking form of her boss moved steadily beyond her reach despite her efforts to catch up with him. She hated to shout at him, but... 

"Sir? A.D. Skinner!" 

The man stopped in his tracks and turned around to find the owner of the voice he recognized as that of Agent Scully. He stopped and let the agent approach, peering down into dull blue eyes. 

"When did you get back?" 

"This morning." 

"I take it you had no luck." 

"No, sir." 

Skinner released a heavy sigh. "I don't know how much longer I can let this go on, Agent Scully, before I have to write him off." 

"Please, sir, just give him a little more time." 

"How much more? He should have been back five weeks ago. Five, Scully." 

"I know, I..." 

"I should've canned him long ago, considering the reason he's disappeared," Skinner grated under his breath, looking around the hall to make sure no one was listening. "You explained it to me yourself, and I still can't believe it." 

"I know," Scully whispered, moving closer. "But legally, there's nothing we can do about that. Krycek is free and clear." 

Skinner shook his head and looked away. 

"One more week, sir. Please. Give me one more week to find him." 

"I don't understand how you haven't found him by now." 

"He must be on the move." 

"Which means he could be anywhere. So, how much good do you think another week will do?" 

Scully looked down at her shoes. "I honestly don't know. I just can't believe he's disappeared off the face of the earth." 

"Did it ever occur to you that he found Krycek, and the two of them have taken off together? You did say he'd pretty much washed his hands of you, so you can't think he'd call you to let you know where they are." 

"Yes sir, that thought has occurred to me. But what if that's not the case? I have to keep trying." 

The A.D. thought for a moment then gave Scully a curt nod. "Very well. One more week. If you don't find Agent Mulder by then, I'll have no choice but to take action." 

"I understand. Thank you sir." 

Skinner watched the woman turn and retreat back down the hall, and he closed his eyes, massaging away the beginnings of a throbbing headache. 

//Come on, Mulder. Show up. I don't want to have to give up on you.// 

* * *

"I can still hear those bells in my head," the middle aged man laughed, walking into the hotel room he shared with his lover of two years. "Fifty thousand! Damn!" 

"I know," the other man sighed as he fell onto the bed. "It's hard to take it all in. We gotta spend some of it on something totally frivolous. Maybe then I'll believe it." 

" _Yeah_. Like what?" 

The man on the bed thought a minute then grinned. 

"We've been talking about a threesome..." 

"You, Michael. *You've* been talking about a threesome. With _Jack_ , no less." 

Michael folded his hands behind his head. "Yeah, that was dumb. It could get complicated with someone we know." 

"No shit." 

"But what about..." Michael crawled to the end of the bed, then rose to his knees, rubbing his hands over the other's chest. "...a total stranger?" 

"What're we gonna do, Mike? Go trolling for a good looking guy down in the casinos? What if he reacts badly to our proposal?" 

"We've got money, John. If we get us a professional, we won't have to worry about that." 

"You...you mean a hooker?" 

"Yeah. This joint is crawling with them. I'm sure we can find one we can both agree on." 

John thought for a moment then smiled. 

"It's actually not a bad idea." He wound his arms around the kneeling man. "No attachments, no uncomfortable moments afterward...and how much could it possibly cost?" 

* * *

"There he is again." 

"Who?" 

The heavily made up hooker nodded to the tall, somber looking man, who wandered the strip, searching the crowds. 

"Been here three nights in a row." 

"Fussy shopper?" 

"I don't know. Never seen him walk away with anybody." 

"He's cute," the other hustler commented, looking the man up and down. "Think I'll go talk to him." 

"Go ahead. I could use a good laugh." 

Hands on his hips, the other looked his friend up and down. "What d'you mean by that, miss thing?" 

"You're not what he's lookin' for." 

"What, you think you are?" 

"If I thought that, I would've hit him up by now. I think he's lookin' for somebody in particular." 

"Yeah," the other leaned down to look in a car window and smooth his eyebrows. " _Me_." He straightened up and snapped his fingers in his companion's face. "Watch this." 

Sashaying across the street, he approached his target and stood in front of him, smiling. 

"Hey, handsome." 

Dull, hazel eyes met sparkling brown then slid away. 

"Been hangin' around a lot lately. What're you lookin' for?" 

"Somebody." 

The hooker slithered closer, skimming the tip of his tongue over his teeth. "I'm somebody." 

"Somebody else." 

The hustler stepped back, clearly irritated. "What's wrong with me?" 

The tall man closed his eyes. "Nothing, I..." He pulled a picture out of his wallet and showed it to the hooker. "Have you seen this man?" 

The hooker's eyes flicked too quickly over the photo then rose to other's face. "Nope." 

"You didn't really look at it. Please." 

The prostitute heaved a hard sigh and had a longer look. 

"Ain't seen 'im." 

"You sure?" 

"Look man, I said I haven't seem him. I'd remember a face like that." 

The man turned an adoring gaze down at the photo. "Yeah." 

The hooker stared. "Yeah. Right. Very sweet. Look baby, you must be lonely. How 'bout some company?" 

The man looked down and shook his head. 

"Come on," the hooker purred, letting his fingers glide over the other's arm. "It'll take some of the edge off. You know...to tide you over while you look for your baby." 

The man backed away. "No." 

"What if you never find him? You never gonna fuck again?" 

Hazel eyes blinked rapidly as the man's brain tried to wrap itself around that very real possibility. 

"Body like that's too good to waste," the hustler murmured, looking the man up and down. "Let me put a smile on that gorgeous kisser. I'll give you a good price...anything you want..." 

"No." The other man backed off another step. "No, I..." His voice trailed off as he backed up and, never having finished his sentence, turned and walked away. 

* * *

"Who the heck is..." 

The bearded man belted his robe and looked down at the familiar face through the peephole of his front door. He quickly undid the various locks and swung the door open. 

"Is something wrong?" he asked as the diminutive redhead swept in. "Mulder? Did you find him? Has something happened..." 

Scully spun on her heel and faced Byers, cutting him off. "No. No, I haven't found him. That's the problem." 

"It has been for weeks now, so..." 

"Skinner's reaching the end of his patience. I have one more week to find Mulder before he takes official action." 

"Damn." 

"Yeah, I..." Scully looked around the room. "Where are Langly and Frohike?" 

"Those two morons are at a Red Dwarf convention in Vegas." 

"What in the hell is a Red..." Scully stopped and shook her head. "You know, I don't even...never mind. Byers, I need your help." 

"I'll help in any way I can, Scully, you know that, but what more do you think I can do than I've already done?" 

Scully raked a hand through her hair as she began to pace. "I don't know. I really don't know. Damn! How could he just have disappeared? Doesn't he care about his job? Doesn't he care about anything other than that slimy bastard he's chasing?" 

Quietly, Byers watched Scully stalk the length of the room. 

"Transparent snake. All that contrite, subdued, starry-eyed... _crap_..." 

"Starry-eyed?" 

"Oh, yeah. He'd give Mulder this sappy, 'I worship the ground you walk on' look, and Mulder'd just melt into a puddle of goo at his feet. It was disgusting. It...it was vile." 

"Maybe it was genuine?" 

" _What_? Oh, God, Byers, not you too." 

"Just think about it, Scully. I know that Mulder is impetuous, and I'm as shocked as anyone else about this, but would he literally throw the rest of his life away on Krycek if there wasn't really something there between them?" 

"If he thought there was something as deep between them as Krycek has led him to believe, then, yes. He would. He is. The man is a deceitful, smarmy, low down, good looking, sneaky worm, and Mulder just fell under his spell." 

Byers looked down at his hands and said nothing. 

"Byers?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Are you going to help me?" 

"Umm...yes. Of course." 

"Good. Now...he had withdrawn money a little over a week ago in Palm Springs. By the time I got there, he had disappeared. Now, I've been thinking about this. And if I know Mulder," she sighed, removing a map from her pocket and spreading it out on a nearby table, "he's thinking that Krycek is pretty screwed up, and he's gone back to walking the street, and he's hitting every red light district in the state of California." 

"That could take a very long time." 

"And that's time he just doesn't have. Not if he's going to have a life left after this." 

"Scully, I know how close you and Mulder are, but...don't you think there comes a time when you have to step back and let him make his own decisions?" 

"Mulder makes all his own decisions, Byers. That's why he's in the predicament he's in now. Ordinarily he's a brilliant man. Intuitive and clear-thinking...but in certain cases, most especially this case, it all goes to hell. I will not stand by and watch it happen without at least trying to do some kind of damage control." 

"You're risking your friendship." 

"As of the last time we'd seen each other, there wasn't much left to risk." 

"Then, why? Why kill yourself trying to find him?" 

"You don't just stop caring about someone because they're being an idiot. He could never speak to me again, and I would live with it if it meant I'd saved him from turning his life into a disaster." 

Scully looked back down at the map, playing her words over again in her head. She was right. She was right, and she would find him. 

"Now, let's get a plan working..." 

* * *

John trudged behind his lover, wearily searching for a man they could agree on. "How about that one?" 

"He's kinda scrawny." 

"C'mon, Mike, you've shot down all my choices. I'm getting tired." 

"Hey, you didn't like mine either." Michael stopped and sighed. "Maybe we're not gonna find one tonight. Wanna give up for now and try again tomorrow?" 

"Yeah, okay. Too bad. I was really getting excited about it." 

The two men turned back toward the hotel, traveling not more than a few yards when a black limousine pulled up, and a dark figure emerged from the vehicle. A very well dressed man got out after him, and as John and Michael passed, the man pulled a few bills from his wallet and stuffed them into the inside pocket of the hustler's leather jacket. 

"A little extra for you. Talent like yours should never go unrewarded." He smiled at the other man. "Perhaps we'll see each other again soon." 

"I'll be here," the hustler murmured flatly then turned and walked away. 

"Now *he's* nice," John said, nudging his companion. "And if you tell me he isn't, you're insane." 

"I'd _have_ to be insane to say that. He's _very_ nice. "Michael smiled at the other man. "Want him?" 

"God, yeah." 

"Okay, let's go for it." 

The two approached the man, who had since made himself comfortable on a bench several feet away. Michael sat down next to him, and emotionless, green eyed drifted in his direction. When the hooker made no effort to speak, Michael cleared his throat and attempted to engage him in conversation. 

"Hey." 

No answer. 

"We're uh...we're looking for a little three way action tonight. Think you can help us out?" 

The dull eyes looked from the seated man to his standing companion then back again. 

"Maybe," the gruff voice responded. "Think you can afford me?" 

"Oh, I think so. Name your price." 

"Tell me what you want first." 

Michael shrugged. "Johnny here has always had this thing about sucking another man's cock while I fuck him..." 

The hooker shot the one called Johnny a cold look. 

"Ain't all it's cracked up to be." 

John shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. 

"Mike, maybe it's not such a good idea..." 

"What, you're gonna take the word of a hooker? Come on, babe." Michael reached out and stroked his lover's thigh. "I'm hotter than hell just thinking about it." 

"Yeah?" 

"Hell, yeah. I love you, babe. You know I wouldn't let anything happen to you..." 

The hooker snorted. 

//Noooo. You just want to see him suck a total stranger's dick. That's love, man.// 

John smiled down at his lover. 

"Okay." 

"Great. Are we all set now?" 

Michael turned to face the hooker. 

"Then we want to do you." 

"No kink? No cuffs, no floggers, none of that crap?" 

"No, no kink. I don't think John'd survive it." Michael smirked at the other man and blew him a kiss. "Just fucking." 

The third studied the two for a moment then quoted his price. 

"Fifteen hundred." 

Michael blinked, clearly unprepared for such an amount. 

"Fine." 

Sable eyebrows arched then immediately dropped back down into place, and the other bowed his head. 

Michael leaned over, looking into the downturned face. "Okay?" 

The dark head lifted, and the hooker focused on Michael. 

"Cash up front." 

Michael started to reach into his pocket, but the soft, rough voice stopped him. "Not here. When we get to where we're going." 

"Oh. Sure." Michael rose as did the third in their newly formed albeit temporary party. "Well...let's go." 

The three started off in the direction of the hotel, Michael and John leading the way, and their hired companion following at a leisurely pace. Less than fifteen minutes later, they were standing in the middle of a large, ornate room. 

"All right, gentlemen," the hooker rasped. "I believe we have some business to get out of the way." 

Fifteen hundred dollars was counted out and handed over, and the hooker removed his jacket, draping it over the chair he stood in front of. 

Two pairs of brown eyes watched hungrily as he undid the first few buttons on his shirt and stepped forward. 

"It's your show," he informed Michael softly then looked to his lover. "Make a move." 

Licking suddenly too-dry lips, Michael reached out and stroked the exposed, smooth skin of the hustler's chest. "Soft," he murmured. "Touch him, John." 

The other man hesitated then timidly raised his hand to join that of his lover, caressing the other. His mouth trembled up into a smile, and he looked to Michael. 

"Nice." 

Michael pulled the rest of the prostitute's shirt out of his pants and finished undoing the buttons. Nodding his approval, he moved around to the third man's rear, pulling the shirt down and off while John continued to touch the bare chest and abdomen. 

Sable lashes fluttered shut, and John immediately jumped to the wrong assumption. "Feel good, gorgeous?" The other gave no answer. He was too deeply immersed in memories of the one he'd left behind. 

God, it hurt. It hurt so fucking much. 

He'd been so close to heaven he could taste it. So close to that perfect life. The one he'd neither expected nor deserved. And now it was gone. He was gone. The one who had loved and protected him. His beautiful, sweet... 

"God, what a fox." 

Green eyes snapped open and turned up to John's face. 

"What?" 

The older man gave him a weak smile. "Guess I'm showing my age, huh? It just means that you're beautiful." 

The hooker willed his heart to stop its wild thrashing. 

"I know what it means." 

"You okay?" Michael asked, massaging the man's taut muscles. "You don't look so hot all of a sudden." 

"Fine." The dark man breathed deeply and released it. "You sure?" 

"You gonna stand here asking questions, or are we gonna fuck your bitch?" 

Michael's mouth twitched as his lover moaned at the crude question. 

"By all means...let's fuck my bitch. Johnny...why don't you finish undressing our friend, here?" 

John bit down on his lower lip and let his fingers skim over the waistband of the hooker's jeans, then he undid the top button and pulled the zipper down. 

His own cock throbbing, he was more than a bit surprised to find the other's completely unaffected. He threw Michael a quick look that implied that something was peculiar, and Michael followed his gaze downward. 

Masking his surprise, Michael gave his lover a reassuring nod of the head and motioned for him to continue. 

Fox... 

The asshole had had no idea what he'd said, but the innocent mention of the word struck an agonizing blow to the hooker, and at this moment all he wanted to do was crawl into a dark corner and let the pain have him. But he'd been hired to do a job. And besides, he deserved this. He deserved it for being so fucking stupid. 

He never should have let him in. Never should have dared to believe that it could work. He could never be what his love deserved. He'd tried so hard, and he'd talked himself into believing that it was okay. But reality had struck in the form of a little red headed bitch, whom so rudely had intruded on his fantasy and smacked him back into the real world. 

And now it was all over. And he was back to this. 

" _Hey_." 

The vacant green eyes blinked and refocused on the man in front of him. 

"Are you sure you're all right?" 

"...Yeah." 

John ran his hands over the broad chest and shoulders. 

"Undress me." 

The hooker complied, attempting to get his mind back on the job at hand. 

He worked slowly at the first couple of buttons, and before he could reach the third, Michael walked up behind him and pressed against his back. He was, the hustler discovered, completely naked, having removed his clothing only seconds before. 

Michael leaned in, his lips only a breath's distance from the younger man's ear. "Rip it off of him," he whispered. "He'll go nuts." 

The other closed his eyes, giving himself a quick pep talk then grasped the edges of John's shirt and gave each a violent pull. Buttons scattered, and the older man sucked in a sharp breath as the shirt was tugged from his body and thrown aside. 

"Like that Johnny?" Michael called over the hooker's shoulder. 

John nodded, panting softly. 

"Of course you do, you slut. Go ahead," Michael murmured, stroking the length of the younger man's back. "Finish undressing him then go lie down on the bed." 

The prostitute did as he was told, and Michael approached his lover, wrapping one arm around his waist and grabbing a handful of hair with his free hand. 

"I want you to go over there, kneel between his legs, and suck him like you do me." 

"But Mike...he's not hard. How am I going to get a rubber on him?" 

"Good point." Michael gave the other man a fast kiss, then the two walked toward the bed, sliding up along either side of the hooker. 

"We'd really love to get this show on the road," Michael began, lightly caressing the younger man's chest and abdomen, slowly working his way south, "but we seem to have a little problem here." He pointedly eyed the other man's limp cock. "Are you tired? I know you had just come in from another job..." 

"Yeah," the other answered softly. "Yeah, I uh...guess I'm tired." 

John smiled at Michael and lowered his head, kissing a moist path down the hooker's body. 

"Maybe we can help," Michael whispered, nuzzling the other man's jaw. As he moved over the bowed lips, the hooker jerked his head away. "What is it?" 

"No kissing," the younger man breathed, avoiding the deep brown gaze. 

"Okay. Uh...just relax. Let John and me take care of you." 

//Alex...whatever's wrong...whatever's got you out here doing this...let me help you. Let me take care of you.// 

"Shit, he just tensed up like a spring." Michael turned the hooker's face to his and looked into glazed eyes. "What happened? What's wrong?" 

The younger man looked up at the ceiling, respiration becoming shallow, an expression of sheer grief on his face. 

"Hey." Michael tapped the smooth chest. "Say something." He looked across at his lover. "It's like he's completely zoned out." 

John tried. "You in there?" he asked, rubbing the other's cheek. "Jeez, Mike, what the hell's wrong with him?" 

"I don't know," the other man mumbled. 

"You think he's on something?" 

The prostitute let out a shuddering breath. 

"I'm sorry, Fox..." 

"What the hell is he talking about...what's this Fox?" 

No answer. 

"Mike, he's gone," John whined softly. "Damn, damn..." 

Michael shushed his partner then turned back to the tormented man between them. "Is Fox a person?" 

Sable lashes squeezed shut, and a drop of moisture spiked the tips, but the man said nothing. 

"Michael..." 

"Shut up a minute, John." He turned his attention back to the man between them. "Listen, I sympathize if you're having personal problems, but we paid you for a job here, and if you can't do it..." 

Nothing. 

Michael looked up at his lover and shook his head. 

"Christ. We were so close." 

"What're we gonna do now?" 

"What the hell can we do? Try to snap him out of it and get him out of here." 

John heaved a disappointed sigh and carefully placed a hand on the hooker's shoulder, shaking gently. 

"Hey. Come on, you're in no shape for this. Go home and get some rest." 

No sound but the erratic respiration of the man fighting to suppress his sobs of despair. 

John tried again. 

"Go see this Fox, whoever he or she is. Get your shit straightened out." 

The moisture that had been gathering on the prostitute's lashes accumulated enough weight to drop onto his cheek and roll away. Startling the two men, he jerked himself up and slid to the end of the bed. He stood up and began gathering his clothes. 

"So, you're leaving?" 

No answer. 

"Hey." 

"See any..." The hustler paused, trying to draw a steady breath. "...any point in me staying?" He retrieved the fifteen hundred from his jacket pocket and shoved it at John, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed. "S-sorry I wasted y-your time." 

"Why don't you keep it?" Michael asked, incurring a surprised stare from his lover. "Use it to get yourself home." 

"Don't have a home." 

The younger man dropped the cash on the seat of the chair to his right then finished dressing. 

"Everybody's got a home," Michael argued softly, "My guess is, yours is with this Fox..." 

The hooker stopped and drew a deep breath in through his nose as his eyes dropped shut. "Stop," he whispered, his crackling voice barely audible. "Just shut up, okay?" 

The two men watched, at a loss for what to do next as the third finished dressing and moved to the exit. He slipped quietly into the hall, then closed the door behind him. 

* * *

Another long, hot, fruitless day. 

The exhausted man sat at the small table in his motel room, picking at the dinner he'd picked up on the way in. He picked his head up, looking out the window into the gathering darkness, eyes scanning the desert. Where the hell was he? Five weeks, and he'd turned up next to nothing on his missing lover's whereabouts. He knew from experience that Alex Krycek was the master of the disappearing act, but he was a pretty damn good detective when he had to be. 

And he had to be now. He would find him or die trying. He couldn't go back to D.C. and the life he had before. Not after the few brief weeks he'd spent loving Alex. 

Closing his eyes, he reviewed the past few weeks again. 

When he'd finally arrived in town the day Alex had taken off on him, he'd rented another car and canvassed the area, giving Alex's description to everyone and his brother, but no luck. 

Deciding Alex might have headed back to L.A., he'd hit the road. When he'd reached the city, he'd driven straight to the younger man's apartment and found all of Alex's clothes gone. He'd picked the lamp up off of the end table and hurled it at the wall, cursing Scully to hell and back then headed to the place he'd first seen Alex. 

An hour later, no one had seen the one they knew as 'The Executioner', and Fox had really begun to worry. When he'd found his first rental three hours after that, parked in the lot of a nearby bus station, his hopes had soared. He'd strode into the station, flashed his ID and got all the cooperation he'd needed, but to no avail. No one had seen anyone fitting Alex's description boarding any of the buses. He had obviously gone to a fair amount of trouble to cover his tracks. 

And so Fox had done the only thing he could think to do. He'd checked every bus and train station and airport in the area, finally hitting pay dirt early the next morning at the fourth bus depot he'd checked. 

A desk clerk took a look at the picture he'd shown her and nodded. Said that a man looking very much like Alex had boarded a bus the day before for Palm Springs. A quick check had revealed a large gay community there, and Fox had headed out toward what he'd hoped would be an end to this nightmare they'd both been plunged into. 

As soon as he'd reached Palm Springs, he'd checked the terminal Alex's bus had come into and learned that the younger man had likely not boarded any other buses out of that station, so he'd checked every other terminal he could find in that area. There had been no reports of a man fitting Alex's description buying any tickets to anywhere, leading Fox to the only conclusion he could make. Somewhere in that city, his despondent, disconcerted lover was wandering around, and he had to find him. 

Fox had spent over a week there, searching high and low, day and night, driving himself to exhaustion, and still no luck. If Alex had been there, he'd stayed well out of sight. 

In the meantime, he'd kept checking the stations, and then one day he'd gotten a break. A porter at one of the bus depots recognized the man in the picture and told Fox that he'd gotten on a bus two days before. Unfortunately, he couldn't remember precisely which bus. There had been two departing buses going in almost the same direction in the time frame he'd indicated, but he'd had no idea which one Alex had taken. 

Fox had gone back and grilled everyone else inside, but absolutely no one could give him any information. He'd obtained the routes of both buses and began to zigzag between the two, and now, here he sat, in this tiny, depressing motel room on the road to Las Vegas; no closer to finding his missing love than he had been five weeks ago. 

The last lead he'd received was over a week ago, and he'd had nothing since. But he'd been led this far, and instinct told him to go to Vegas. Plenty of action. Plenty of horny men with more money than they knew what to do with... 

It killed him to think that Alex had returned to hooking, but it was a logical assumption. The younger man had been so stuck on thinking that he wasn't good enough, and then, just when Fox had thought that they'd finally had a breakthrough, Scully, damn her to fucking blazing hell, had swooped in and made him doubt himself all over again. And then he'd disappeared. 

Fox leaned over, burying his face in his hands. 

//Jesus Christ, why'd you believe her and not me? What the hell did she say to make you run away from me?// 

He lifted his head and again stared into the darkness, whispering to his absent lover. 

"Where are you, Alex? I know you know I'm looking for you. You have to know I wouldn't just go back. Christ, how can you not know?" 

* * *

"...Now, he seems to be moving in a north easterly direction, heading toward Nevada. Which..." Scully stopped long enough to sip at the coffee Byers had made for her. "...is a likely place for him to look. Vegas is crawling with hookers." She looked up from her map. "Hey. Didn't you say Langly and Frohike were there?" 

"Yeah." Byers picked up the phone and started to dial before Scully could ask him to. "I don't know what good it's going to do, but I'll try and reach them and have them be on the look out for Mulder." 

Five rings later, a chaotic sound assaulted his ears, and he winced, yelling into the phone. 

"Frohike? Huh? Oh, Langly? It's Byers.... _Byers_. Look, I've got something important to talk to you about. I said I've got something to talk to you about! Can you tear yourselves away from the slots for two minutes so we can hear each other?" He looked to the woman and nodded. 

"They're going to go outside where it won't be so noisy....Langly? Yeah, that's better. Listen, I need you guys to do something...yeah. Scully has reason to believe that Mulder might be out there. Could you just keep an eye out for him? I know you're surrounded by a gazillion people. Just keep your eyes open, okay?" "Come on, Langly, what's he saying?" 

The skinny blonde waved at his diminutive companion as though he were nothing more than an annoying fly. 

"Yeah, Byers, we'll do that, but it'd take a miracle for us to find him." 

"Find who?" 

" _Mulder_. Now would you shut up so I can hear?" 

"What?" 

"Not you, Byers. I was talking to Frohike." 

"Mulder's here?" 

The blonde heaved an exasperated sigh. "Scully thinks he could be heading in this direction...if he isn't already here...or been and gone..." 

"I know, Langly," Byers said, "that's a very real possibility. Just look around, though, okay?" 

"Yeah, sure. We'll definitely keep a look out, and let you know if...I'll be a..." "What? Langly, what?" 

Langly hit Frohike on the shoulder, and before the other man could complain, the blonde pointed to the man just walking out the front door. 

A bit slimmer and the air of arrogance he'd once worn, undetectable, but... 

" _Langly_." 

"Byers, you're never gonna guess who we're looking at." "Mulder?" 

Scully perked up, waiting for confirmation of what she'd just heard. 

"No," Langly spoke softly into his cell phone. "The other half of this freaky equation." 

"Huh?" 

" _Krycek_ , Byers, Alex Krycek." 

" _What_?" 

"Byers," Scully demanded. "Byers, what the hell's going on?" 

"They just spotted Krycek." 

" _What_? Do they see Mulder?" 

"You guys don't see Mulder anywhere?" 

"No." Langly looked around. "No, just Krycek." 

Byers relayed the message. 

"No, they just see Krycek." 

"Tell them to tail him. Don't let him out of their sight. I want to know every move he makes, and more importantly, where he goes." 

"Langly, you and Frohike follow Krycek. Don't let him see you. Tell us what he does and where he goes." 

"Okay, got it. I'll contact you soon." 

Langly disconnected and smiled down at his friend. "Let's go." "Where?" 

"To follow Krycek." 

A pair of bushy eyebrows arched in surprise. " _Follow_ him? What if he sees us? He could snap both our necks before we even have a chance to scream for help!" 

"He's not going to see us," Langly snapped, dragging the small man along with him. Just keep your head down and your mouth shut." 

For over two hours they followed their quarry while he wandered the streets, discreetly checking in with Scully and Byers from time to time. Finally, they tailed the other man to a low-rise apartment complex and watched him go inside. Langly called D.C. again and gave his report, and Scully instructed him to keep an eye on the building and contact her on her cell phone should Krycek move again. 

The moment Scully hung up, she called the airport and booked the first flight to Las Vegas. That done, she turned to Byers and asked if he wouldn't mind giving her a lift. 

"But," Byers sputtered, "you've got no clothes, so..." 

"No time. I gotta go now. There's a flight leaving in two hours. I'll pick something up when I get there." 

"All right, but...why are you going? They saw Krycek not Mulder." 

"But maybe Krycek can lead us to Mulder. This is the biggest lead I've had, Byers. As much as I'd like to just let the bastard drop off the face of the earth, I can't. I have to find out where Mulder is." 

"Even if he knows, what makes you think he'd tell you?" 

"He'll tell me," Scully vowed, gathering up her things. "He'll tell me or he'll be the sorriest son of a bitch on the face of the earth. Now let's get to the airport." 

* * *

Alex moved through the dark apartment, not bothering to turn any lights on as he headed into the bathroom. Once there, he hit the light switch and reached into the shower to turn the water on, then began to slowly strip away his clothing. He dropped everything into the clothes hamper in the corner then stepped into the tub, letting the warm water flow over him. As he washed, thoughts of the two men who had been surprisingly kind to him seeped in. 

Decent guys, Michael and John. More so than he'd first thought. He hadn't met anyone who'd displayed any kind of concern for him. Not since... 

He closed his eyes and fell back against the tiles, gritting his teeth against the wave of pain that had just washed over him. 

God, when was it going to stop hurting? When was he going to stop remembering those few weeks of heaven, and when was he going to stop wishing every night that things could have been different? 

And when was he going to stop feeling Fox's mouth, so soft and sweet on his own, his hands, teasing and caressing...his cock, filling him...driving him to incredible, joyful madness... 

Whimpering the name of the man he'd never see again but loved more deeply every day, Alex's hand dropped down to his throbbing erection and began caressing the rock-solid shaft, imagining it was Fox's hand on him. His head rolled from side to side as he touched himself the way Fox would have, and his mind conjured up images of his love, wet and slick with soap, pressing him into the wall, whispering soft words of encouragement as he took him ever so slowly to the outer edges of satisfaction. 

His body trembled and rocked, pushing his cock into his curled fist while his other hand clawed at the wall. He could feel Fox's mouth grazing his ear, and his tongue playing lightly along the outer ridges and curves, then working its way deeper, sending hard jolts of electricity thundering along his sensitive nerves, pushing them toward overload. He could feel the heat of the other man's body, warming him in a way the water could not, and as ecstasy approached, the image was lost, drowned in a sea of blackness, and all he could do was hear Fox's voice, telling him that he loved him and demanding sweetly that he surrender... 

His cries of completion quickly turned to ones of despair as reality descended, and he found himself alone. 

"Fox," he sobbed, letting go of his withering cock and bracing himself against the tiles as he pressed his face into its smooth coolness. "I miss you..." 

He stood motionless for a while then pulled himself together and continued with his shower. When he was finished, he dried himself off then crawled naked into bed, curling himself into a tight ball of misery. 

More than making love with Fox, he missed the time they spent afterward, lying wrapped in each other's arms, his lover's gentle embrace bringing him a sense of peace and love he'd spend the rest of his worthless life missing. 

He closed his eyes and fell asleep wishing that he would never open them again. 

* * *

Morning. 

Gray-green eyes blinked sluggishly, and Fox moaned as the light stung them. Three hours sleep on top of the seven hours he'd had in the last two days added up to not nearly enough to keep a rational thought in his head, yet somehow he functioned. He walked, and he talked, and he drove. And drove. And Jesus, he drove. Toward what, he wasn't sure. He might have been just chasing his tail these past weeks, searching for that which might never be found. He might spend the rest of his life alone, knowing what it was like for one brief moment to truly love and be loved, and knowing that that moment would never come again. 

"No." 

He pushed himself out of bed, forcing his body to wake up, and he got moving, showering and preparing for another day on the road. If he stopped only for gas, he thought he should make it into Vegas by early evening. Then he could spend quite a few hours searching. 

Making one last check around the room to make sure that he hadn't forgotten anything, he picked up his keys and exited, closing the door on yet another empty expedition. 

* * *

"Where is he?" 

"Hey, Scully, how are you? We're fine. Having a good time out here in Sin City..." 

"Sorry, Langly. I'm just a little anxious. You haven't lost him, have you?" 

"No, we haven't. Frohike's still outside of the apartment building we saw him go into. You know how many hours we've been staking that joint out?" 

"I'm sorry, Langly. I really appreciate it." 

The man led Scully to the blue compact at the curb and gave her an inquisitive look. 

"No luggage?" 

"Didn't have time." 

"Okie dokie." 

As soon as both were settled inside the car, Langly headed away from the airport and straight to the place where they'd trailed Alex to. When they arrived, they found Frohike sitting across the street from the building, dozing against a rock. "Frohike!" 

The small man practically jumped out of his skin, losing his glasses in the process. 

" _What_?" 

"You're asleep?" Scully screeched. "What if he's left?" 

"Hey doll, look, I'm sorry," Frohike replied, readjusting his glasses. "But you sit out here all night and not get tired." 

Scully exhaled sharply. "Okay, look. I'm going to go see if I can find out which apartment he's in." "You want us to stay here?" 

Scully stopped in her tracks and turned around. "I've got no car, remember? Of course I need you to stay here." 

As the redhead stalked across the street and into the building, Frohike shook his head. 

"God, she's even hotter when she's pissed." 

Langly rolled his eyes and said nothing. 

Frohike rested his chin in his hand and emitted an exaggerated sigh. "Hey, how about you give me the keys to the car, and when she's ready to go, I'll drive her." "What the hell am _I_ supposed to do?" 

The small man shrugged. "Walk. It's good exercise." 

"I had my exercise last night. We walked all the way here from the casino, then I had to walk back for the stupid car. I ain't walking a damn place." 

"How the hell do you expect us to go parking with you in the car?" 

"You're insane, you know that? What the hell makes you think that Scully would make out with you?" 

"She wants me," the other man grinned. 

"She hides it well." 

"She's afraid of her feelings for me. She knows that if she lets herself go just once, she'll never be able to live without me." 

Langly sighed and looked toward the building. 

"Freak." 

* * *

The world was brightening, leaving Alex lingering in another kind of darkness. 

Dammit, why? Why'd he have to wake up? He didn't want to be here. He wanted to stay in his dream...the only place where he could be with Fox, but cruel morning refused to allow it. 

Slowly he sat up, running his hands through his hair, when an odd feeling came over him. He dropped his hands and looked up, his heart stopping then starting again triple time as his gaze fell on the woman sitting in the chair a couple of feet to the left of the foot of his bed. He stared in stunned silence as Scully raised one hand to display her weapon. "Where is he?" 

Confusion joined anxiety, and Alex frowned at the woman. "What?" "Where is he, Krycek?" 

Alex's mouth opened and closed several times before he could speak. "I don't...I don't know, I...is he missing?" 

"Like you didn't know." 

"I *don't* know. I haven't seen him in over a month...like you wanted." 

Scully released the safety on her gun and pointed it at the man's chest. 

"I don't believe you." 

Alex shook his head, trying to control the tremors than ran through him. 

Missing. God, Fox was missing... 

"You expected to find us together, didn't you? We're not. I haven't... _seen_ him. I left that day not long after you did." "Why?" 

Alex emitted a soft, bitter laugh. 

" _Why_? You more than anyone else know the answer to that question." 

Scully studied him for a few long seconds then spoke. 

"He never came back to D.C. He's been out here all that time looking for you. I thought he might have found you. I'm still not entirely sure he hasn't. You're hardly trustworthy." 

Alex's heart leapt. "If you haven't seen him, how do you know he's looking for me?" 

"He called me not long after you took off. He was pissed as hell. Put all the blame on me, and when I asked him what he was going to do, he said he was going to keep looking for you. Said Skinner could fire him if he wanted, but he was going to find you. His career is over, Krycek. You hear that? It's over in one damn week if I can't find him and bring him back." 

"I..." Alex shook his head, eyes pleading for Scully to believe him. "I would never let him give up his career for me. I don't want him screwing up his life. That's why I left. Scully, I don't know where he is." 

The woman stared silently. 

Alex remained quiet for a moment then asked, "How did you find me?" 

"Stroke of luck...for lack of a better word. You out here whoring?" Alex lowered his eyes. "It's what I do best, right?" 

Blue eyes roved over the sleep-tousled man, and the question popped out before she could think twice about it. "So. You do women too, or just men?" 

Alex blinked in surprise. Fox had been gone for over a month, and Scully was sitting here wanting to know about the details of his profession... 

"What...why are you..." 

"Curious. So, do you?" 

"I haven't." 

She looked him up and down. "But for the right price?" 

"What's with all the questions, Scully? Shouldn't you be out searching for your partner?" 

Scully regarded Alex for a moment then, "I want to know how you did it." 

Growing ever more uncomfortable under the heated blue gaze, Alex gathered the sheet around his waist. "Did what?" 

Turned him into your loyal disciple. What is it about you? Are you that good?" 

"Scully..." 

"I saw you. I got a good long look at the two of you that first night. You _had_ him. His sister could have reappeared at that precise moment right in front of his eyes, and he wouldn't want to tear himself away from you long enough to say, 'Hey Samantha, long time no see.' What is it Krycek? What is it about you that's got him so crazy?" 

Alex looked away. 

Scully put her weapon away, rose from her seat, and walked over to the bed. "Come on, Krycek. Tell me. I want to know. How do you do it?" 

No answer. 

The nearness of him. The flush of his skin. The goddamn green of his eyes... She'd despise herself later, but she had to know. 

Alex focused on the hand that had just come down in front of his face. More to the point, what was in the hand. He raised disbelieving eyes to the woman who stood over him. 

"What's the matter?" Scully asked softly. "Not enough?" 

His voice was a hoarse whisper. "What the hell are you doing?" 

//What the hell _are_ you doing?// 

"I want to understand," Scully answered, tired of listening to her inner voice. She drew her hand down, letting the bills scratch over the stubbled cheek. "I want to know what he felt when you touched him." "Thought I was a diseased piece of shit?" 

"Piece of shit? Yeah. Diseased? You could well be. But I'm not so stupid that I'd touch you without good protection. Now I want to know what it is about you that's got Mulder so hot." 

"You can't." "Why? Because I'm a woman?" 

"Because as much as you don't want to believe it, it wasn't just meaningless sex with Fox. I loved him, Scully. I still love him. Maybe not the way he deserves, but as much as I'm capable of loving him." 

She removed her jacket and dropped it at the foot of the bed. "You're a whore, Krycek. You don't know the meaning of the word." 

Alex looked away and said nothing. 

"Do you do a good business?" 

"Okay..." 

"You do better than okay. When I left the cabin that day, I went back to L.A. Started snooping around the vicinity of Mulder's hotel, and I ran in to some of your...co-workers. You're a very popular guy with the customers, Alex. You scare them, but your talent must overshadow your fierceness because you certainly got the lion's share of the johns down there in your little corner of the cesspool." 

"I don't get it," Alex rasped. "You insult me...cut me down every way you can think of, and then you proposition me." 

"I told you, I want to understand what it is Mulder sees in you. Besides...couldn't you use a few extra bucks?" 

Alex shook his head in disbelief. "You're...I told Fox you were his friend. I didn't want to come between you. You hated me. I left because you'd convinced me that I'd never be good enough for him..." 

"You're not good enough for him. If he was just fucking you, Krycek, I could deal with it. I can see it. You're an incredibly sexy man. It's the love part that I can't accept. Mulder's my best friend. He's family. And I won't stand by and see him hurt." 

"And you don't think that fucking me would hurt him? He loves me." //Oh, God, he still loves me.// "What do you think it would do to him if he knew that you were here trying to get a piece of me?" 

"He'd never know." Scully stroked the bills over Alex's chest. "I sure as hell wouldn't tell him." 

"You bitch," he whispered maliciously. "I wouldn't touch you for all the money in the world." 

Anger simmered in the woman's eyes. 

"You know, I may be nothing more than a lowlife whore, but apparently you're not much better. In fact, you just may be a little worse. Wanting to fuck the man you know your best friend is in love with...conniving, back-stabbing cow." 

The ensuing slap snapped Alex's head to the side, and he was out of the bed and on Scully in a flash, spinning her onto her back on the mattress, hand around her throat. 

"Fucking bitch," he hissed, tightening his grip just a bit more, his body shuddering with the rush of adrenaline that had just crashed through it. It'd be so easy to snap her scrawny little neck. So damn easy... 

Bright blue eyes gazed up at him, a combination of fear and arousal clashing in their depths. 

"Your dick is hard, Alex," Scully wheezed, arching into the obvious erection that pressed against her leg. "Is that for me?" 

Alex spat out a bitter laugh. "It's hard at the thought of offing you, not fucking you. Been a long time, but I guess that killer instinct never really completely goes away." He loosened his grip but didn't remove his hand. "You're not worth the sweat, though." 

Scully managed a sneer. "I knew that sweet, demure bit with Mulder was bullshit. You can't be yourself with him, can you? He wouldn't love you if you were." She writhed beneath the weight still pinning her to the bed. "You don't have to be something you're not with me. It doesn't matter. All I want is that animal I saw fucking my partner that night." 

Alex heaved himself off of the prone woman and stalked over to the dresser, pulling out a pair of jeans. Quickly he jerked them on, and before he could get the zipper up, Scully came up from behind, running her hands up and down his bare back. 

"Come on, Krycek. I've never heard of a choosy hooker before." 

Alex spun around and shoved the woman away from him. "What the fuck's the matter with you?" he shouted. 

"Nothing," Scully spat. "Maybe I'm just tired of denying myself the things that I want." 

"You don't want me," Alex replied, zipping his jeans. "I don't know what the hell you've been smoking, Scully, but get out. Go sleep it off. When you wake up, you'll feel better." 

He'd pushed her too far when he'd shoved her down on the bed and lay over her. He'd inadvertently let the feral part of her loose, and she couldn't stop now. "I'll feel better after you've made me come five or six times." She moved forward again, unbuttoning her blouse. "Come on, Krycek. Why don't you come play on the other side of the fence for a while?" 

Alex stared in dazed silence as the last of the buttons was undone, and Scully's blouse hung open. Pressing her lace-covered breasts against him, she slid her hands up his arms. 

"Come on, Krycek. Fuck me, and I won't tell Mulder that the bruises that are sure to form on my neck are from you trying to choke and rape me." 

"He wouldn't believe you," Alex sniped, again shoving her away. 

"No?" She tugged violently at one sleeve of her blouse, ripping it at the shoulder seam. "I've got two friends outside waiting for me. I go running out of here like this and tell them what... _happened_ , and Mulder will have no choice but to believe it." "You're fucking nuts!" 

Scully shrugged. "Just doing what I have to, to get what I want. That's a quality someone like you should be able to respect." 

"No." Alex shook his head. "No, you wouldn't do it. You couldn't hurt him like that." 

"I figure it this way, Krycek. A little hurt now is better than a lot of hurt in the future. I'd be saving him. So. What's your choice? Fuck me now, and I won't tell him I ever saw you, or...don't fuck me, I'll tell him you attacked and tried to rape me, and he'll be hunting you down for a different reason." 

"Fuck you," Alex said flatly. "I'd rather live with him thinking I'd betrayed him and knowing I hadn't than letting him continue to love me, with me knowing I had." 

"Really? You'd hurt him needlessly? I thought you said you loved him, Alex." 

"I..." Alex hesitated, then began again. "I do love him." "Oh.....so?" "Don't," he whispered. "Don't do this. If it's a good fuck you're after, I can find you somebody. There are plenty of good looking guys around..." 

Scully shook her head. "It's you I've been thinking about all this time. I hate that I find you attractive, but I do. I'm not complaining, but I gave up my whole life...everything I wanted for Mulder. I'd do it again, but dammit, once... _once_ in my life I want to be able to have something I want." 

Alex heard the change in her voice. The harsh, desperate whine. 

"You should have a life," he agreed softly. "You should have the things you want. But Scully...it can't be me." 

"Why are you trying to be so fucking honorable?" Scully railed. "I mean, it's just a bit two faced isn't it? You screw God knows how many men every night for cash, and you can't bring yourself to touch me?" "You've been friends for years! He trusts you!" 

"No he doesn't!" she shot back. "He hates me for pushing you away! He couldn't see that I was trying to protect him!" "Like you are now?" 

Scully stopped, blinking up into forest green eyes. 

"I understand how our passions can sometimes get the better of us," Alex reasoned. "I also know that we sometimes end up bitterly regretting the consequences if we act on those passions. You'd regret this...like, except for a few short weeks, I regret every minute of my adult life. Please don't hurt him, Scully. Don't hurt yourself." 

"You don't give a damn about me," she said almost inaudibly. "Don't pretend that you do." 

Alex made no attempt at denial. But he did beg. 

"Scully, please. If he means anything to you at all, don't make things any worse for him. Leave now, and forget you ever saw me." 

Scully paused for a moment then began to button her torn blouse. 

She couldn't do that. Shit. Shit, shit, what the hell was she thinking? Is that what unchecked lust did to a person? 

"He won't stop looking for you." 

Alex's heart pounded at the thought of Fox finding him. 

"He will in time." 

"He won't. He's obsessed with you." 

"I'll..." he had a hard time getting the words out. "...I'll lay low. He won't find me." 

Scully picked her jacket up and smoothed her hair. "Then he'll just keep looking. If he isn't back to work in a week, Skinner's going to can him." She drew a deep, stuttering breath. "I don't want that to happen." "What are you saying?" 

"I'm saying," the woman droned, slipping into her jacket and turning to look Alex in the eye, "that the only way to get him to come back home is let him have you. Maybe after a while...after he's been with you long enough, he'll come to realize that you aren't everything he thought you were." 

"I'm not going back to Washington with him. He's not going to find me." "Why isn't he? Isn't this what you wanted?" 

"Nothing has changed. I wasn't good enough for him then, I'm not good enough now. Be proud of yourself, Scully. You made me see that. I won't hurt him all over again." 

"Krycek, if you don't let him find you, he won't go back!" 

"You didn't give a damn about that just a few minutes ago. Why now?" 

Scully turned away, suddenly unable to meet Alex's eyes. 

"I had a few minutes of insanity. I'm back now. You have to let him find you and talk you into coming back with him. Let him figure out for himself in time that it was a mistake." "And then I can crawl back into my cesspool?" 

"If that's what you want. But you're a resourceful man, Krycek. I'm sure you could find something legal to do and still make good money. And if you stayed in the D.C. area...who knows? Mulder would have gotten rid of you. You'd be free. You wouldn't feel that obligation to him..." 

"Scully....stop." 

She looked at him, an odd expression on her face. "I'd give anything if I could." She straightened her jacket and checked her appearance in the mirror. "Let him find you, Krycek. Then let him dump you. You owe him that." 

She walked to the door and stopped but didn't turn around. 

"I never would have told him you tried to rape me. I wouldn't do that to him." She drew a deep breath and held it a moment before exhaling. 

//I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have done that to him. I wouldn't....I wouldn't.// 

Alex watched her leave then leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. 

//Jesus, what the hell am I going to do?// 

Putting the crap that had just gone down with Scully out of his mind, he concentrated on Fox. 

He'd thought...on some level even hoped that Fox had gone back to Washington, but he hadn't. Instead he'd spent over a month out here looking for him, spending his money...putting his job in danger... 

//For me.// 

He buried his face in his hands, whimpering softly. 

Maybe Scully was right. Maybe he did owe it to Fox to let the older man find him. Right now Fox thought he was in love with him, and he was clearly miserable over their separation. If Alex gave him what he wanted and let him realize for himself that it was a terrible mistake, then Fox could kick him to the curb without the pain of wondering what could have been. 

//And what about you? What about the pain you'll suffer having him again for however long it takes for him to understand what a waste you are, then losing him when he does?// 

He lifted his head, letting it thump back against the wall and uttered an almost silent, bitter laugh. 

//One of you is going to suffer. It's inevitable. Which one would you rather it be?// 

* * *

"Jesus, what took you so long? We were starting to think he'd killed you!" 

"We had a long talk," Scully threw at the two men, not stopping until she reached the car. 

"And?" the two men asked in unison as they followed her. 

"I'm uh...I'm hoping I convinced him to let Mulder find him." "You _want_ Mulder to find him?" 

"Yeah," Scully sighed, covering her face with her hands, partially to cover the blush that still stained them. "Mulder needs to go through it. He needs to let this fantasy he'd started run its course. He needs to end it himself. It's the only way he's going to have any kind of peace. It's the only way I'm going to get him back home. I...I came to that conclusion today." 

The three got into the car, and Langly drove toward the hotel. "Makes sense, but what about Krycek?" 

"I explained it to him the way I just explained it to you. I think I might have made him understand, but he gave me nothing definite. I just left him to chew on it for a while." 

"What if he just takes off? Then we'll be back to square one." 

"Then I'll hunt him down and kill him," Scully answered flatly. "I don't think he will, though. I think he's realizing that it's the only way not to hurt Mulder." 

"But Scully," Frohike began, a tinge of surprise in his tone. "If he went along with that...wouldn't that mean that he does care about Mulder?" 

Scully's head snapped around, and she stared at the man in the back seat for a moment, then turned back and stared silently out the window. 

* * *

Dusk was falling, though the outrageously bright lights of the casinos kept the district suspended in eternal daylight. 

Fox drove along the strip, kept awake only by the hope that this time would be the end of his search for his missing lover. 

//Okay//, he thought to himself. //Look around for two hours then go back to the hotel and get some sleep. It'll do you no good if you're falling on your face in the gutter.// 

Thinking maybe some exercise would help, he parked the car and walked the strip, bloodshot eyes scanning the crowds for the face he so longed to see. Three hours had gone by, and he was still walking...bordering on staggering, and he had shown Alex's picture to hundreds of people, but no luck. Finally he decided it was time to give up for tonight and start again fresh in the morning after he'd had some sleep. 

Weaving in and out of the maze of bodies, he made his way slowly in the direction of the car. Not more than ten yards away, the blazing lights of the casinos began to blend and blurr, and the sounds of the strip warped then faded, and the next thing he knew, he was leaning against a car with two men standing in front of him. 

"I think he's coming around." 

"Hey," one man called, touching his shoulder then drawing his hand back. 

"You gonna make it? You wanna go to a hospital?" 

"No," Fox struggled to right himself then focused his gaze on the two concerned faces. "I'm...what happened?" 

"You were walking by us...you started to go over like in slow motion, and John here caught you before you hit the pavement." He looked at the car. "We just propped you up against the nearest thing. You sure you don't want to go to a hospital?" 

"I'm sure." 

The man studied the red rimmed, bloodshot eyes and smiled. "Out on a two day bender?" 

"No," Fox rasped. Just really tired I guess." He looked around. "I was heading to my car to go to my hotel room so I could get some rest." 

"Well, the rest is a good idea but the driving part isn't. In your state you're liable to kill somebody. Why don't you let us get you a cab?" 

"Yeah, I..." Fox ran his hands over his face. "I guess that'd be a good idea." John moved away. "I'll go flag one down." 

"Thanks." 

The other man stood watching silently as exhausted, sad, green-gray eyes searched the crowd. "Looking for something?" 

Fox shrugged and lowered his eyes. "Yeah...some*body*, actually." 

"Oh no, you didn't lose your wife in this mob, did you?" 

A wry smile curved the full lips. "No." Fox looked up at the other man and reached into his back pocket for what seemed like the millionth time that evening. "I'm looking for him." He handed the picture to the man and absently asked, "Don't suppose you've seen him, have you?" 

Michael looked from Fox to the picture and inhaled sharply. 

Eyes glazed over with fatigue quickly cleared. 

" _What_?" 

"It's him, it's..." He looked to the man who was now jogging toward them. "It's him." 

"It's who?" John switched his attention to Fox. "I got your cab waiting. C'mon." 

"No...wait." Fox turned pleading eyes to the other man. "You recognize him?" 

Michael grinned at the third man. "You're Fox, aren't you?" 

"Yeah. How d'you..." 

John's head snapped back toward the other. 

"No way!" 

Still grinning, Michael handed the picture back. "We've seen him." "You know him? You know where he is?" 

"Yes, we know who he is...sort of, but no, we don't know where he is, exactly." 

Fox's balloon partially deflated. 

"Oh." 

"I mean," Michael attempted to clarify his statement, "as of yesterday he was here." He watched the other's eyes brighten again. "But whether or not he's still around is anybody's guess." 

"Where exactly did you see him?" 

The two men shot each other an apprehensive glance. 

"Uh..." 

"You picked him up, didn't you?" Fox asked softly. "He was...selling himself." 

"So you do know. We weren't sure if you did or not." 

No answer. 

"Anyway, yeah. Yeah, we hired him for the evening. But nothing happened," Michael added quickly. "John had said something that brought you to mind, and he just kinda fell apart. We know your name because at one point he said, 'I'm sorry, Fox.' We tried to talk to him a little, but he didn't want any part of that. He gave us our money back, apologized and left." 

Fox doubled over, hands resting on his knees. "He's here...God, he's here," he whispered then straightened his back. "Show me where you found him." 

"C'mon, pal, you're beat. You can just about stand up..." 

"I'm not going anywhere," Fox snapped at John, then his tone softened. "I can't now. Not until I find him. Please just tell me where he was last night." 

"Okay." John looked to his lover while he spoke to Fox. "Kinda stupid to think you'd want to sleep now." 

Michael gave the other man a smile and nod then waved Fox along. "It's not that far from here." 

The three began to walk, the two men flanking Fox in case he decided to take another header into the sidewalk. 

As they moved, Fox scanned his surroundings, flashing on and discarding every face that came before his eyes. His heart pounded in time to his footsteps, and his mind raced ahead at double the pace. 

Over a month spend searching, and in just a few minutes it could finally be at an end. 

And the fear set in. 

What if Alex saw him and bolted? What if he refused to speak to him or listen to what he had to say? 

//Then you'll hit him over the head, hogtie him, drag him to your hotel room, and keep him there until he's rational.// 

//Says the guy who's considering what amounts to kidnapping.// 

He mulled that point over for all of twenty seconds before deciding he really didn't give a damn what lengths he had to go to, to get Alex back. It wasn't like he'd left because he'd wanted to. Fox's former friend and partner had driven him away with her razor tongue, in a very short time smashing to bits all that it had taken Fox weeks to build. Well, he wasn't having it. He was in hell, from what these two men had just told him, Alex was in hell, and he would not let it stand. 

"Here." 

Fox snapped out of his inner thoughts and looked around. 

" _Right_ here?" 

John nodded. "This very spot." 

Carefully, Fox surveyed the area. 

"Not much action." 

"It's still a bit early. In an hour or two, it'll really be jumping." 

"Okay. Thank you for your help." 

Michael gave his partner a curious glance then gave voice to the question in his head. "What're you going to do?" 

Fox shrugged. "Shit here and wait. See if he shows up." 

"You fall asleep out here, and someone'll roll you faster than the time it'll take you to wake up." 

"I'm not going to fall asleep." 

"You don't think so? You were out on your feet just a few minutes ago." 

"But I'm not now. I've got good reason to stay conscious." Fox gave the men a weary smile. "Don't worry, I'll be fine." "Are you sure?" 

"Yeah." 

"Well, look. John and I are gonna let you sit here, but we're going to walk around and see if we can't spot him." 

Fox studied the two men for a moment then nodded. "That's very kind of you. Thank you." 

"No problem." 

Fox nodded, giving the men a tired, grateful smile. 

When they had gone, he settled back against the bench he'd claimed and looked around. 

People everywhere. Winners and losers, easily discernible by their posture and the expressions on their faces as they passed. Tourists leisurely strolling the strip, stopping every few yards to point at this spectacle and that. Staring in awe as the strip's perennial denizens propositioned perspective customers. But the busy throng offered up not even a glimpse of the one he'd searched long and far for. 

"Show up, Alex," he whispered, eyes flicking back and forth. "Please, show up." 

* * *

"No, I'm sorry, there's no one listed under that name." 

"Try M.F. Luder." "M...F...L.U...." 

"D. E. R." 

The desk clerk scanned the computer, shaking her head. 

"Nnno, no, I'm sorry. No M.F. Luder either." 

"Great," the redhead whispered then thanked the clerk and walked outside to meet the rest of her party. "No luck?" 

"No." 

"Maybe he isn't even in Vegas," Langly offered. "Or maybe he's been and gone. Or maybe he just said screw the whole thing and went back home. Why don't you try calling him?" 

"He hasn't gone home," Scully answered quickly. "I know Mulder. He's like a pitbull. He won't let go of this." 

Frohike covered his face, stifling a yawn. 

"Well, we've checked every hotel, motel, and bed and breakfast in the area, and he's not at any of them. So, why don't we all go get some sleep then start again in the morning?" 

"You two go if you want." Scully held out her hand. "Give me your keys. I'll drop you off at your hotel." 

"And what're you gonna do?" Langly asked, recalling Scully's pitbull remark and thinking about that people in glass houses saying. 

"I'm going to call Washington. Get a picture of Mulder sent, then re-check all those places we've been to." 

Frohike tilted his head back and groaned. 

"Okay. All right. I'll go with you. Langly?" 

"Yeah," the blonde moaned. "I'm in." 

"You guys really don't have to come. I can manage fine on my own." 

"Yeah, we know. But it'll go faster with three of us. Then maybe we can actually get some sleep before the sun comes up." 

Scully gave the oddball pair a hint of a smile. 

"Thanks, guys. I really appreciate your help." She turned and started in the direction of the car. "Well, if we're going to get this done before sun up, we'd better get moving." 

* * *

Alex lay still and silent, staring up into the darkness. Hands clutching tightly to the material of the shirt he'd taken with him the day he'd fled the cabin, he pulled the garment up to his nose and inhaled. The scent of his love had long faded away, but he wore it anyway, every night, wrapping himself in memories of the one who had for such a brief instant lit the darkness and showed him the way to life... 

He should have gone out tonight. He'd heard that there was a florist's convention in town, and there was sure to be a lot of business to be done, but he couldn't. His encounter with those two men the night before and most especially his run-in with Scully today had done him in. 

He emitted a soft sigh and considered the two incidents. 

First, there was John and Michael. After they'd realized the frame of mind he was in, they'd treated him so decently and wanted to send him back to Fox. Then Scully... _she_ treated him like shit...and wanted to send him back to Fox. 

Fox... 

Sweet, insane, beautiful Fox, who was probably wearing himself to a frazzle, spending all this time...all his money, risking his job and his future. For what? 

//For me,// he thought in disgust. //Jesus, for me.// 

"You can't do this, Fox," he mumured to no one at all. "I can't let you." 

And the only way he could think to stop him was to do what Scully had suggested. 

//Find him. Or let him find you. Scully thinks that he's headed here. Keep yourself out in plain sight. Be where he'd most likely expect you to be, and let this thing play out. Inside of a month, he'll have become so disillusioned that he'll be relieved to see you go. He can chalk it all up to a temporary fit of madness, and he'll be none the worse for wear.// 

//And you, on the other hand, will be ready for a nice long stay in a rubber room.// 

"If I make it that far," he moaned, looking at the clock. 

Eleven-ten. 

The strip should be jumping about now. If Fox was here, he'd probably be blanketing the most thickly prostitute populated spots, and that would certainly be one of them. 

Convincing himself that this what was best for Fox, he slipped out of bed, removing and lovingly folding the shirt, then placing it at the foot of the bed. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, grabbed his jacket, and he left. 

* * *

Fox was fading. Any minute now he'd be down for the count, and nothing save for a really long, really good night's sleep would pick him back up. 

John and Michael approached, both men shaking their heads at the sight of the younger man struggling to keep his eyes open. 

Fox jumped slightly then blinked up at the two, who stood over him as one spoke. 

"You can't do this any more tonight. You've been sitting on this bench for about two and a half hours." 

One hand rose to swipe at his face. His voice, when it finally made it past his lips, sounded a low, gravely, one-word question. "Nothing?" 

"Sorry." Michael sat down beside him. "Come on, Fox. You can't sit out here any more. Let us get you to your hotel. Get a good night's sleep, and you can start fresh again in the morning. Please. You're going to get yourself into trouble sitting out here in this state." 

Fox was about to answer when another voice, distant but clearly recognizable called to him. 

Three heads lifted to watch the small, redheaded woman and two men jog toward them. "Oh my God, Mulder, look at you!" 

"Scully, what the hell are you doing here?" Fox droned, too tired to be as pissed off as he wanted to be. 

"Looking for you! My God, I never thought I'd find you. Do you know that Skinner is this close to..." She stopped abruptly, looking over the two men with her partner. "Who are you?" 

"They're helping me," Fox answered before either of the other two could speak. "Helping you what?" 

"Do what you never would," Fox snapped, simmering anger bringing back some of his energy. "They're trying to help me find Alex. He's here. In Vegas. They've seen him." 

Scully took a deep breath, telling herself that she had to do it and just hope that Krycek would go along with it. 

"So have I." 

"What?" Fox breathed, clutching the back of the bench for support as he boosted himself to his feet. 

"It's true, Mulder," Langly cut in. "Frohike and I saw him too." 

"How the hell is it that everyone's seen him but me? Where'd you see him, Scully? When?" 

"Earlier today." Another deep breath. "At his apartment." 

Tired, hazel eyes flared to life. "You found out where he lives?" 

"Yeah. Langly and Frohike saw him first, yesterday. I happened to be with Byers when they told him. I made them follow him and stake the place out until I could get here." 

"To what?" Fox began to tremble with premature fury. "Did you talk him? What did you say?" 

"Yes, I talked to him. I told him that you were still out looking for him after over a month. That information surprised him. I told him that he should see you. That you needed to work this stuff out." 

"You told him that," Fox murmured cautiously, waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

"Yes, I did. Not because I'm particularly anxious to see him back in your life, Mulder, but because if you don't have him, you won't come home. And your career, and your life will be shot to hell. Skinner is ready to deep six you. You know that by right, he should have done it long ago. He gave me another week to find you and convince you to come back before he started proceedings to have you dismissed." 

"Where does he live? Tell me." 

"What?" 

" _Alex_. Where does he live?" 

"Mulder, have you heard one word that I've said to you? Do you care?" 

"I heard you, Scully. The only thing I care about right now is getting to Alex. I'll deal with the rest later." 

"If there is a later for you." "Whatever. Where is he?" 

Scully looked at the other two men, who were watching in silent fascination. "Come with me, and I'll show you." 

Fox turned to the two who had been kind enough to assisst him and smiled. "I gotta go. Thank you so much for your help." 

The two smiled back, and John spoke for them both, handing Fox a card with his name and number. 

"You're very welcome. We're glad it worked out for you. Now, go get 'im. Make him understand how you feel if you have to beat it into him." 

Fox smiled at the man's intended humor, and he began to follow Scully's lead. "I'll keep that in mind." 

"And then get some sleep!" Michael yelled as the group moved farther away. "I hope they'll be okay." 

Michael turned to his lover and gave him a soft peck on the tip of his nose. "I'm sure they will be. Clearly, that Fox is a persistent bastard." 

The other nodded. "A cute, persistent bastard." 

"A cute, persistent bastard, out of his mind in love. You can see it all over his face." 

John chuckled, scratching at the back of his head as they moved on. 

"Yeah, I guess a foursome'd be kinda out of the question, huh?" 

* * *

Alex moved down the strip, fending off propositions and ignoring the leering grins of those lecherous individuals who were regulars in this part of town. Tonight he was out here for one reason and one reason only. To find Fox and help him get on with his life. 

He walked the strip, searching everywhere for the man he never thought he'd lay eyes on again, but he had no luck. 

//Maybe the casinos.// 

He checked a few of the more densely 'populated' halls, but still nothing. //How the hell do you expect to ever find him amongst all these people?// he asked himself, exiting the third casino. //Or maybe Scully was wrong. Maybe he isn't here. Maybe he isn't coming at all. Maybe he's just given up and turned around and gone home.// 

Alex stopped on the steps of the building and drew in a long, steadying breath. It would be the best thing for Fox if he'd made the decision to forget about him and go on with his life. Alex knew that, but that tiny hope...the one that Scully had raised in her cruel way, had already taken root and grown within his heart. The thought of being in Fox's arms again...the idea of waking up next to him and looking into those beautiful eyes... 

He wanted that. He needed it, even knowing the way it would surely end. He knew it would kill him to walk away again, but he would at least have the satisfaction of knowing that the next time it would be under Fox's terms, and that it wouldn't hurt him as it had this time. 

//You owe him, Alex. Keep looking. If you don't find him by one, you can stop and start again after you've had some rest.// 

Rest. That was a good one. The last time he'd truly rested was over a month ago. He remembered the feeling well. Strong arms wrapped securely around him, his head nestled under his lover's chin...the steady beat of Fox's heart beneath his hand, and that soft, gentle voice saying the words that he would carry in his heart forever, even after Fox had long forgotten them... 

Giving himself a mental shake, Alex finished descending the steps and continued on toward the next likely spot. 

* * *

"So, tell me, Scully. What made you think I'd be here in Las Vegas?" 

Scully looked across the back seat of the Gunmen's rented car at her partner. 

"I'd been trying to find you since you disappeared. I'd tracked you to Palm Springs on the last bank transaction you'd made, and I made the logical assumption that you'd be heading toward Vegas. As I've already said, I was with Byers, asking him to help me find you, and he called these two," she explained, motioning to the men in the front seat, "to tell them to be on the lookout for you. While they were talking, they spotted Krycek leaving the casino they were in. I had them tail him in hopes that you'd already hooked up and were together. 

"I took the first flight out and came straight to his apartment building. Asked the super for his apartment number, and I went and confronted him." 

"That's what I want to hear about," Fox interrupted. "You'd done enough damage that day at the cabin, and you'd better believe you're going to explain that, but right now I want to know what you said to him this time." 

"I told you what I said to him." 

"Yeah, and what else?" 

Blue eyes slid away from the agitated, gilded stare. 

"Nothing else." 

Fox's eyes narrowed on his partner. 

"I don't believe you. You drove him away, Scully. Whatever you said to him...it had to be pretty bad to make him run away from me like that. So, I don't believe that you just bopped into his apartment, told him that he needed to come back to me, then bopped on out. You must have found some way to twist the knife." 

"Mulder, I..." 

"We're here." 

Fox instantly forgot his conversation with Scully and pointed to the building they pulled up in front of. "This is it?" 

"Yeah," Frohike answered, turning to look from Fox to Scully. Before he could say another word, Fox was throwing his door open and jumping out. "What apartment?" 

"Second floor," Scully murmured, pointing to the third window above them. "Number twenty-one." 

Glazed eyes flicked from the two men to the woman. 

"Somebody cover the other entrance. One of you watch the front here." He turned his cell phone on. "If he comes out, call me." 

He allowed no more time for conversation as he bolted into the building, leaving the other three to sit in silence. Finally, Langly spoke. "Guess one of us had better get around back." 

"You two go," Scully instructed softly. I'll stay here." 

The two men nodded and left the car, jogging around to the back of the building, leaving her alone with the dozens of emotions clashing inside her. 

//God. Mulder back with that...there isn't even a word bad enough for what he is.// 

//Uh huh. But you want him. You made a damn fool of yourself letting him know it, too.// 

//Sex. That's all it is with me. That's all I want from him. I mean, there's no denying that the bastard is magnetic, and I haven't had any in a very, very long time. My heart wouldn't be broken if he disappeared, never to be found again.// 

She settled deeper into her seat and stared up at the second floor. 

//And Mulder's heart wouldn't be broken if he found out what you'd done earlier today? Jesus, Dana, haven't you hurt him enough?// 

//He won't find out. Krycek won't tell him.// 

//And why's that? Certainly not because he's afraid Mulder won't believe him. So, why? Why wouldn't he tell him?// 

"He can't," she whispered to herself. "He's incapable, he's...a snake like him couldn't possibly know how to love..." 

* * *

Fox climbed the steps to the second floor, sheer adrenaline carrying his tired body forward. When he reached apartment twenty-one, he paused at the door, pressing one hand to the wooden surface, and then his ear. He listened for a few seconds and, hearing nothing, he curled his hand into a fist and knocked. 

Nothing. 

"Alex. Alex, are you in there? It's Fox." 

No answer. 

"Baby, please open the door. We need to talk." 

Silence. 

"Alex, if you don't open the door, I'll kick it in. And don't think about trying to sneak out a window or anything; all avenues of escape are covered." He waited a few seconds more, listening. When still no sound could be heard, he determined that Alex must not be there. 

Quickly picking the lock, he let himself in and looked around the dimly lit room. 

Small but neat as a pin. Definitely an Alex trait as the few weeks he'd spent with the younger man had taught him. 

He walked into the middle of the room and scanned his surroundings. Nothing recognizable except... 

Fox walked over to the television and fingered the mantle clock he'd remembered seeing at Alex's other apartment. It obviously had some meaning to the other man, or he wouldn't have taken it with him. 

A faint smile touched his weary lips. 

//Sentimental. Who'd have guessed?// 

He checked the small kitchen, the bathroom, and finally the bedroom. No Alex. As he passed by the bed, an object at the end of the mattress caught his eye. Reaching down, he lifted the celery green shirt that he recognized as his, and stared at it. He hadn't even noticed that it was missing. 

Fox closed his eyes, clutching the shirt to his chest for a moment before putting it down and pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. He punched in Scully's number and waited for less than two whole rings before she answered. 

"Scully." 

"I'm in." 

"Oh. Is...is he there?" 

"No." 

"Well, he sure didn't come out, so I guess he wasn't there to begin with." 

"Yeah. You and the guys can go." "Go...Mulder, what about you?" 

"I'm staying. He's bound to come back sooner or later, and I'm going to be here when he does." 

"Well umm..." 

"I'll call you." 

"When?" 

"Whenever." 

He disconnected, turned the phone off, then looked around the bedroom once more before unbuttoning his shirt. He removed the garment, dropping it down on the bed, then slid the other on. Bringing the material to his face, he inhaled deeply, his body tingling as Alex's scent permeated his senses. Slowly, he climbed up onto the bed, finding it vaguely curious that the sheets were rumpled as though Alex had gotten up and left quickly. 

Too tired to figure it out, he lay down, hugging one of his lover's pillows to his chest and closed his eyes. 

* * *

Three a.m. 

Alex trudged up the stairs to the second floor, tired and unsure as to what his next move would be. 

He supposed he could try and locate Scully, much as he despised the notion. Though, if she had seen or heard from Fox, he supposed he would have known it. 

He walked to the door and entered the apartment, hating the silence. It added to the pain of loneliness, and there were times when he thought he'd surely go mad if he spent one more day without Fox. But dammit, his mind stayed intact. Just another of life's little punishments. 

He walked through the darkness, removing his jacket and draping it across the back of a chair, then moved toward the most hated room in his apartment. There was nothing worse than lying alone night after night, staring up at the ceiling, remembering what it had been like to have Fox beside him...on him...under him... 

And when he finally did fall asleep... The dreams. Damn, the dreams. They were so real. He could see Fox. Smell him...taste... 

He walked through the door, unbuttoning his jeans then froze in his tracks as he focused on the dark lump on the bed. His heart and head began to pound in unison as he cautiously moved around the bed to view the side of the body that the light from the window hit. 

The pounding turned thunderous as for the first time in over a month he looked down at the face he loved. 

He sank to the floor, his legs no longer able to hold him up. The soft thump startled the other man awake, and he sat up quickly, clearly unsure for a moment of where he was. 

Alex stared dumbfounded as Fox focused on his face. As the older man reached for the lamp beside the bed, he skittered back and stumbled to his feet. 

"Alex," Fox whispered hoarsely, terrified that he would spook the younger man, and he'd bolt. 

"What're you..." Alex began, choking on his words. "...how did..." 

"Scully. She...she said she'd seen you. She found me and brought me here." Alex stared, trembling violently. He wanted...God, he wanted to fall into Fox's arms. And he wanted to run. Scream. Die from the shame that consumed him as he looked into the eyes of the man who had so wrongly trusted him. 

Instead he did nothing. His bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut. Fox rose from the bed and approached slowly, stopping when they were only a foot apart. "Alex?" 

No answer. 

"I've missed you so much," he said very softly. "I've been looking for you..." 

He thought he heard a tiny whimper, but he couldn't be sure. 

"Talk to me. Tell me what happened. What did Scully say to you to make you leave me?" 

"I'm sorry, Fox," Alex whispered, lifting his head and looking everywhere but at the man in front of him. "I'm sorry..." 

"Don't be sorry. Just tell me what happened." 

The confused, green gaze settled momentarily on the other man's face then dropped away. 

"You look tired." 

"Yeah," Fox breathed. "Haven't slept much." 

A deep crease formed between Alex's eyes, and he looked down at the floor. 

"Alex, I know this is Scully's doing. I know that, but...why? Why did you choose to believe whatever it was she was shoveling, over me?" 

Alex shifted nervously, shaking his head. 

"Was there something I could've done?" Fox asked, his voice crackling with barely restrained emotion. "Something more I could've said? Tell me, Alex. What did I do wrong?" 

"Nothing," Alex exhaled softly. "You did everything right. It was perfect." He lifted a heartsick gaze to the other. "You were perfect. So much more than I deserved." 

"And so you ran away. And put us both through hell for more than five weeks now." 

"I...I'm sorry. I didn't think, I...I didn't mean to hurt you, I just..." 

Fox watched Alex fight the breakdown he could see coming. Feeling pretty close to the edge himself, he pushed harder, wanting them both to fall. 

"You told me you'd never let another man touch you again, Alex." 

The younger man's hands clenched into fists, nails digging into his palms. 

"You said you hated it...that it made you sick. But you're out here doing the same thing you were doing in L.A., aren't you?" 

The inclined sable head nodded slightly. 

"Why?" 

"Because that's what I am," Alex croaked. 

"It's not." 

"Worthless, filthy whore..." 

"You're not!" Fox roared, pounding on the nightstand beside him for emphasis. He grabbed Alex's shoulders, shaking the startled man with all the strength that his exhausted body could muster. "Those are Scully's words, and they're not true! You're the same man you were at the cabin! You're there under all this fucking doubt and self loathing, I know you are!" His eyes burned into the other's. "I see it," he rasped, hands sliding away from Alex's shoulders to the front of his shirt. His fingers curled in the material, and he swayed slightly as what remained of his energy waned. 

"I love you, Alex," he half panted, half sobbed. "And this hurts like hell." 

Alex wrapped his arms around the older man to keep him upright, then maneuvered him to the bed and laid him back against the pillows. 

"I'm sorry, he whispered, brushing the hair away from Fox's face. "I swear, I never meant to hurt you, Fox. I was trying to _keep_ from hurting you." 

"How could you think that?" Fox droned, fighting to keep his eyes open. "How could you think that loving you the way I do, what you did wouldn't tear me up?" 

"I don't know, I...I guess I wasn't thinking straight." 

"What did she say to you?" Fox's voice was now barely audible. 

"It doesn't matter." 

"Five weeks, Alex." Heavy eyes looked up at the younger man. "It matters." 

Alex hesitated then spoke. 

"She just...she spoke her mind. It wasn't anything I didn't already know..." 

"So all the time I spent trying to convince you that you were good enough...that you were exactly what I wanted...it was all wasted? You never believed a word of it?" 

"Fox, go to sleep. You can hardly keep your eyes open." 

"Answer me." 

The tone in Fox's voice left Alex no choice but to obey. 

"I did believe you. I wanted to so much. Until she reminded me of who and what I was. How can a man who's been what I've been possibly give you all the love you deserve to have?" 

"It isn't your call to make," Fox said sternly. "And it sure the fuck isn't Scully's. It's mine." He lifted a trembling hand to the younger man's face. "Alex, you've given me more than I could've ever hoped for. You're everything I want in the world..." He blinked to clear the tears that suddenly blinded him. "Please believe me." 

Alex's eyes welled up as he looked down at the man whom he had no doubt loved him more than he could ever deserve. 

Sitting at the edge of the bed, he leaned down, laying his head on Fox's shoulder, and the older man wrapped him in a snug embrace. 

"I love you, baby," Fox sniffed, brushing the silky hair with his mouth. 

"You can really love me knowing that I've turned around and done exactly what I promised you I never would again?" 

Fox tightened his hold on the younger man, burying his face in his hair. "Scully screwed you up," he whispered. "She caused all this." 

Alex felt his guts twist a little more. 

"I could've just gone into hiding, but I didn't. Scully didn't hold a gun to my head and force me back onto the street." 

"You didn't just up and decide that you wanted to leave me and go back to prostitution, Alex. Scully watched you. She studied you, and she found out where you were most vulnerable, and then she hit you where it hurt. What happened is her fault...and it's mine." 

Alex's head jerked up and stared wide-eyed down into the other man's face. 

" _No_. Nothing is your fault." 

"I think it is," Fox said wearily. "I should've known that in just a few weeks I couldn't erase all the damage that it's taken years to do. That was pretty damned egotistical of me. I'm just realizing that right now. I'm sorry, Alex. I'm sorry for putting so much pressure on you." 

"No. No. Stop it. You didn't do anything wrong. I won't let you take the blame for my shit." Alex looked down into almost closed eyes. "You're so tired, Fox. Please go to sleep." 

The older man shook his head but said nothing. "Why not?" 

"I'm afraid that when I wake up, you'll be gone again." 

"I won't. I...I won't go anywhere." 

Fox stared doubtfully up at the younger man. 

"I sh...I shouldn't have run away that first time. I won't do it again." 

Fox's gaze softened. "You promise you'll stay, and we'll work this all out?" 

Alex nodded. "I promise." He brushed the golden-brown eyelashes with his fingertips. "Go to sleep." 

"What about you?" 

"What _about_ me?" 

"You're tired too." 

"A little." 

"I'll sleep if you do." 

Alex fidgeted for a moment, giving no response, but Fox's voice, so soft and profoundly missed drifted back up to his ears. 

"I missed sleeping with you." 

Alex looked down into a shimmering sea of green, blue and gold, filled with infinite love and sorrow, and his insides melted even as his heart leapt into his throat. 

So beautiful. God, he could never forget how beautiful this man was. The memory of him lingered, staying as vivid as the fusion of colors in his magnificent eyes. 

There was nothing else to do. No other decision to make. He swung his legs up onto the bed and lay down beside Fox, their bodies mere inches apart. 

Not good enough. 

Fox reached out, pulling the younger man into his arms, satisfied only when they were pressed intimately together, sharing breath and heat. 

A deep, weary moan rumbled in Fox's chest as he drew one hand up and down Alex's back. 

"Nothing matters," he whispered into the sable hair. "The past...what you did, who you were...none of it. This is what's right. Only this. Just you and me." 

Alex could feel himself falling again. God, it was so easy. So simple to listen to that soothing voice saying all the things he so desperately wanted to hear and believe. But there was another voice. Tucked way back there in his mind, interfering with Fox's promises of heaven, telling him not to get too wrapped up in the fantasy because soon enough the glow would wear off, and he would be alone again. This time for good. 

Drifting steadily into darkness, Fox thought he felt a wet warmth begin to flow over his chest, but was too far gone to question it. Seconds later, he descended into the first real sleep he'd had in weeks. 

* * *

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